How to be a cruise ship comic…(or not, I don’t care)

Let me start off by telling you about my experience working the XXXXXX Cruise Line which is in no way representative of all cruise experiences. They each have their ups and downs. I have many friends that work on other lines. Carnival & Norwegian seem to be the best all-around experiences. Many comics loathe the idea, but it’s not all bad. It’s steady, it’s good pay, and if you like the lifestyle, it’s fun. I enjoyed it. It just didn’t end up being what I wanted to do. If you’re not interested in my experience, and just want my advice on how to get the gig, skip to the bottom. I’ll understand. LOL.

XXXXXX is a cheap cheap cheap line that basically ferries travelers from South Florida to the Bahamas while giving them a mini-cruise experience. We would go out for 48 hours at a time. They would park overnight on the way because the route is too short for an actual cruise. I would do two different types of shows. The first night I would come do a ten-minute family-friendly set during a showcase with dancers, magicians and singers. This is basically to sell my full show which took place the next night. There would be two of these mini shows, at 7 & 9 o’clock. I could leave right after I finished my stage time and would often be back in my quarters at 9:15. The second night I did a full hour. This could be slightly more pg-13ish than the first night because the audience for the full show was all adults. Basically, it’s not fun to be on the showcase, but it’s important for getting people to the show the next night. On headlining nights, I’d do a full hour, no warm-up. People would file into the auditorium and I’d walk out on stage and start. This was a mix of a couple super fun nights and a couple that were torture.

XXXXXXX treated me extremely well. I was allowed to hang out on the ship as a passenger, go to the bars, eat at the buffets and I could visit the Bahamas if I wanted when we got there. This is not the case on all cruise gigs. Some entertainers are treated like crew and not allowed to be seen in public areas during the day. However, my quarters were in the crew area, so they were not the nicest, but it was fine. I found this to be weird because I was neither a full passenger nor was I accepted by the crew, who the comics often befriend on their stints. This might just be cause I’m not socially adept, but who knows.

The pay was excellent to me. Not the highest of cruise lines, but also, top-notch for what I was used to as a comedian. I don’t remember, but I think I was making 2500-3000 every two weeks. This line booked in 2-4 week runs and comics were invited back every couple of months so there are new comics for the passengers. I did suck at it. XXXXXX made comics accountable for how many audience members came to the show, and my numbers were never very good, but that’s because I literally didn’t try. I was just there to tell jokes, collect a paycheck and leave. Some comics sell out nightly, and it’s pretty awesome to have 2-500 people there for your comedy.

The comedy requirements for me were I needed two 10-minute clean sets and 50 minutes(hour) of PG-13 material. This was for two different showcase shows and a full-hour show. Since the people attending my headlining show would have attended the showcases, I wanted them to be all different material. Can’t have 40% of your show be stuff they’ve seen already.

For many other lines, I’ve been told they do totally different situations. Some have comics do a clean early show and a dirty late show. Some have comics do 5 different half-hour shows one each weeknight, and some are just like comedy clubs, go do 45-60 of whatever you want, and you can ride out the same hour of comedy until you die or find yourself back on the local open mic circuit.

NOW THE GOOD STUFF:
I don’t know how helpful this advice will be in getting you a cruise gig, but I’ll try to give you my best path.

Sometimes it can be done through auditions. Occasionally if you’re on the lookout, some cruise lines have open auditions for entertainers, these are often run sort of like America’s Got Talent shows, where you just compete for an initial contract and then they keep on those they like.

I got on XXXXXX through a booking agent who was a cruise comic himself. He did all the booking and took a 10% fee. He’d check in with me and see how it was going. We met when he was looking to fill some XXXXXX gigs, and even though I did poorly there, he thought I would be better suited on Norweigan and offered to put me on one of those boats, but I wasn’t interested.

The best way to get a reference like that would be to make friends with a comic who has recently done a cruise gig. This is the best way to get any gig, and I can’t stress enough, not just begging them to get you work but befriending them. Show interest in their experiences, bring up your interest in doing that work, and be patient. But also be aware if they’re currently a cruise comic, there are a very limited number of positions, so they might not be eager to find their own replacement.

You can always query agents. Send a short, respectful email asking if you could submit it for consideration, and be prepared to send a good video of yourself. They’ll most likely want an hour but may take a shorter clip depending on the needs of the company. This path isn’t necessarily easy, but it is simple. It’s a numbers game, the same as getting booked at any club. Query all the agents, and hope some like you and get back to you.

Another way is that cruise agents (often working for the line) will sometimes be industry at comedy festivals. This is another topic entirely, and I’m happy to answer questions and give advice on that too, but if you look into festivals, check out the “industry” that will be there. If an agent like that is attending, the festival will brag about that. It’s a big selling point for the festival, so it won’t be hidden in small print. This will ultimately be the same as auditioning for any other gig. The better you can audition clean the better you’ll do since many of the lines are all-ages shows.

Hope any of this helps, but if it doesn’t, just remember, you met me doing a shitty tight five at the same place you were, so I’d take any advice I give lightly. We all wound up in the same place. Best of luck.